The Lie Hidden Behind A Smokescreen

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7 Signs You Might Be Dating A Psychopath

by Karen Salmansohn

About a decade ago, I became involved with a guy I jokingly referred to as “a Romantrix.” Don’t bother Googling that term. I made it up to describe someone who dominates you so much with hot pursuit, that romance is inevitable.

This particular Romantrix inundated me with love letters, flowers, candle-lit dinners, and continuous promises to love me forever. Unfortunately in his mind “forever” meant seven months.

I eventually discovered he was cheating. He was more than a two-timer. He was a three- and four-timer. So all that intense pleasure from the beginning of our relationship quickly led to lots of pain. Shortly after our break-up, I discovered a fascinating article in the New York Times about the psychology of evil.

The article highlighted what it called “The Psychopath Checklist,” a helpful list that criminal psychiatrists use to test the potential of someone being a hardcore psychopath, capable of committing repeated evil and violent crimes.

Guess which traits evil psychopaths share?

  1. Glibness
  2. Extreme charisma
  3. Need to always be doing something
  4. Feelings of high self-worth
  5. Pathological lying
  6. Proneness to boredom
  7. Emotional unavailability

To my amusement, all these adjectives were also very appropriate to describe my Romantrix — an adorably charismatic, fun, active, confident guy — who turned out to be a total Prince Harming.

The lesson?

One of the top traits to look for in a partner is an appealingly strong character. Think about it. Charles Manson, Stalin, and Mussolini were all considered passionate, charismatic, attractive, and intelligent back in their day. But just because they had that popular wish list of qualities, doesn’t mean they would have made good partners.

Seeking strong character always matters far more than personality, because character will determine how someone behaves — and/or misbehaves! Personality is the tip of the iceberg of who someone shows themselves to be. Character is the true foundation.

A relationship is only as strong as how you handle challenging times. Yourrelationship will always suffer if either you or your partner displays poor character during conflicts, disappointments, stress, crisis, temptation, sadness, monetary challenges, illness, misunderstandings etc.

For this reason, I believe that instead of looking for that popular wish list of qualities (sexy, funny, successful, smart etc) you should be seeking a “wish feeling.”

And the number one feeling you should seek is the feeling of safety. (In my book, it’s even more important than love!) Without safety, you’ll never feel true love, because you’ll never feel comfy being vulnerable enough to reveal your true self – thereby experiencing true intimacy.

Without strong character values, the challenges you face as a couple will steamroll your relationship. However, if you embrace strong character values (honesty, empathy, good communication and a devotion to self development), then during tough times you’ll be open to discussing problems, listening with an open mind, empathizing with an open heart, talking honestly, and evolving — so as to make sure problems don’t keep repeating.

A person with strong character is also able to see how a relationship is not just there as a “den of pleasure.” A relationship actually serves a secondary function.

The Two Functions Of A Relationship:

1. Den of pleasure — for fun, companionship, sex,laughter, etc
2. Laboratory for growth — the ultimate place of challenge for each of your souls (core selves) to be inspired and supported to stretch, grow, evolve!

Unfortunately, many people only view a relationship solely as a place to experience that “den of pleasure,” leaving out the soul-ly aspects of a relationship: lab for growth.

If you’re not able to view a relationship as serving both of these two functions, when problems arise, you’ll think: Hey this is no longer a fun den of pleasure, I’m outta here!

But if you each understand how a relationship serves this double function, then when challenges arise you’ll understand that sometimes you have to leave the den of pleasure to head into that laboratory for growth, and that’s A-OK!

In fact, that’s even awesome! Why? Because one of the most important things we should all do is live a life with a passionate commitment to self development! We should always be open to stretching and growing into our best selves!

To be clear: You shouldn’t want a relationship where you each try to change who you are. And you shouldn’t want a relationship where you keep disrespecting who the other person is.

Instead, strive for a relationship in which you support each other in evolving into your truest and best selves, where you deal with challenges as an opportunity for growth! And it’s always “strong character muscles” (and not tight buns or thick wallets) that will help you to achieve this esteemed mission!

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Hal Austin / Chip Austin Have you seen him?

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There is a writ of bodily attachment issued in Duval county, Florida, and a warrant for his arrest issued from St. Johns county Florida.  If you’ve seen this person please alert authorities immediately, or send a private message to this blog.

Thank you!!!

Coward On The Run

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BurglarPoliceman72dpiMan on the run
You better step aside
Man on the run
Running for his life
Man on the run
Racing through the badlands
Racing through the badlands

Time waits for no one
I feel the walls are closing in
My mind spins like helicopter blades
I never thought i’d be here now
The warning signs were so unclear
The ricochets of busted dreams

~lyrics by Bush

Unexpected Perks of Social Media

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You never know what will pop up on Facebook these days.

Look At Me, Ma, I’m Wanted!

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Do you have information about a missing or wanted person or believe any of the information below to be inaccurate?

If you have information about a missing or wanted person, do not take action on your own! Please complete the Missing or Wanted Person Tip Form by clicking on the Send a Tipbutton or you may contact the reporting agency at (904) 824-8304 . [If you wish to report a tip without disclosing your name, you may do so.]

Florida Department of Law Enforcement – Wanted Person
Violation Of A Court Order
Reporting Agency:
Agency Case #:
Date of Warrant:
Warrant #:
Date of Birth:
6′ 00″
Hair Color:
Eyes Color:
Scars, Marks, Tattoos:
Last Known Address City and State:

The Bottom Line is Simple…

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Take Care of You ~ Dealing With A Sociopath – 9 Important Rules To Follow

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If you think you are dealing with a sociopath in whatever kind of relationship, business, romantic, therapeutic or educational, here are some rules to follow (as much as is humanly possible!)

1. Get professional help

This is an incredibly useful thing to do and very often overlooked when people are looking for help in dealing with a sociopath or a narcissist. Every step after this one becomes so much easier when you understand the motivations and tactics of the sociopath as well as how mind control works.

A therapist who specializes in this area will help you to understand the steps taken by the sociopath to capture you and manipulate you. This is important for several reasons. Firstly, it means you’re able to see the relationship for what it is, something totally false that the sociopath creates in order to manipulate your emotions.

Secondly, the sociopath loses his power over you. He can no longer manipulate you in the same way and the effect he has becomes minimal.

This is really important because sociopaths like to dominate and control. When it becomes obvious to them that they are expending more effort trying to control you then it takes you to keep them away, they typically get fed up and move away to find easier prey.

2. Get professional help

I know! But is so much easier than doing this on your own…

Sociopaths and narcissists install beliefs in their victims that they, the victims, are responsible for what happens to themselves and that they should be able to sort things out for themselves. This is enhanced when the person is isolated from family and friends.

Cult leaders also install a sense of superiority or elitism in the members. They do this firstly because the members become clones of the leader and the sociopathic leader believes he is better than others. And secondly because the members believe they know things that outsiders do not, or they know more than outsiders. Therefore how could someone outside the group help them?

Add to this a contempt for psychiatrists and psychologists because of comments by the leadership, and it becomes very difficult for victims to seek outside expert help in dealing with a sociopath.

3. Cease contact

No contact means no contact. No phone calls, no text messages, no e-mails. As long as you continue to engage the sociopath they will continue to try and manipulate you. They have nothing better to do in their lives. In fact, often they will spend their lives trying to continue to manipulate you!

Sociopaths don’t have friends. They perceive others as victims or competitors, and the competitors typically end up as victims too, because the sociopath wants to win at all costs.

Any contact is a sign for them that they still have a chance to continue to manipulate you. It’s absolutely useless to want to have the last word or to need to explain how upset you have been. You’re just giving them a chance to continue to play with your emotions, and the lack of empathy and guilt gives the sociopath an advantage that you will never have, and that you can never beat.

No ultimatums or power plays either. You are going to lose. Don’t waste your energy.

Of course, sometimes it’s simply not possible to cease all contact straightaway. Children, business contracts, marriages may need to be sorted out first. But as soon as you realize you’re dealing with a sociopath, you need to take steps to protect yourself.

Get copies of important paperwork and computer files. Store them in a friend’s house. If you do need to communicate use e-mail and keep all copies. Let their phone calls go to voice mail and save them. If you fear for your physical safety, take whatever steps are necessary. Get professional help if you need to.

Let other people know what’s happening, including your boss. Very often when you try and break off contact, a sociopath will try to begin to manipulate the people around you. Get them on your side first, before he tries to make you look bad and/or crazy. You are going to need support!

4. Do not give them more information about you

Any information you give them can and will be used against you. This is important because you are dealing with a sociopath. This means you are dealing with a professional manipulator and you should expect that any personal information you give will be used to manipulate your emotions, blame you for what is happening and/or used to try to continue the relationship.

If you need to communicate, keep it short, stick to the facts (no opinions or personal thoughts) and communicate as if you know your communication is going to be read out in court.

5. Know your weaknesses

Because the sociopath certainly does! And has been taking full advantage of them. At least if you understand what you’re weaknesses are it gives you a better chance of dealing with a sociopath because you will recognize when he is pressing your buttons.

And why you’re at it, check out your strengths too. Chances are the sociopath has been manipulating you by using them as well! For example, if you are good at helping people, he will want to be helped.

6. Pay attention to your instincts

What are your instincts telling you? It’s difficult when dealing with a sociopath because due to the manipulation you have been overriding your instincts. What, for example, was your initial feeling on first meeting the sociopath? Did you give them the benefit of the doubt at the start for whatever reason? This is something you can never afford to do when dealing with a sociopath.

7. Do not try to reform them or give them more chances…

There is no treatment for sociopathy/psychopathy. Often it makes them worse! They simply learn more about people’s behavior in therapy sessions and it gives them more ammunition for later.

Somebody who has no conscience has no conscience. They’re not going to change. In fact, because of their big egos, arrogance and sense of entitlement, they think they are better than everybody else and see absolutely no reason to change.

And besides, doing this means that you are maintaining contact. See rule 3.

8. Educate yourself

Read books about mind control, about psychopaths and watch movies andvideos. Apply the information to yourself. How were you deceived from the beginning? How did they keep the charade going? What techniques were they using? Why did you fall for them? This is all part of your recuperation for undoing the influence these charlatans had on you.

9. Realize that it’s not your fault

You have been dealing with a sociopath. You have been tricked, deceived and manipulated. Somebody was deliberately moulding your reality, influencing your decisions and directing your thinking and behavior. Whatever happened during this time is not your fault. You did not realize what was going on. You were not fully informed. If you need to, forgive yourself. And realize that you do not have to apologize to other people either, if you don’t want to.

Some more ideas

Learning about mind control and how sociopaths treat others is a great way to prevent yourself from becoming a victim of these social predators.

It is definitely not easy having to deal with a sociopath, and the best thing is to prevent the mind control in the first place.

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